Countdown

It appears that I have taken a bit of an unintended hiatus from posting. It's been so busy around here. But I just had to take a moment to mark the significance of today's date.

Today is March 13, 2008. As of today, the due date for my child is exactly one month away. Now, to anybody who has asked about the due date, after saying April 13th, I also add that it means my son will be born any day but the 13th. From everything I've ever heard, I don't know of anyone whose child was born on the actual due date (other than planned c-sections and inductions, neither of which we are planning right now). So, I have no expectation that baby boy Bergman's birthday will be April 13th.

Despite my assurance that he will not be born on the 13th, today's date still sticks out in my mind. As of today, I can no longer mark the time remaining in terms of months. It is a matter of weeks or even days until my son is born. This fact both thrills me and frightens me.

I look around the world today and I sometimes wonder what I was thinking to have made the decision to bring a child into the midst of all that is wrong with the world. Yet, I imagine myself sitting with my son in my arms and I have indescribable feelings of joy. I can't even begin to imagine how it is actually going to feel to hold my son, my child, my offspring in my own arms for the very first time. But I am fearful of my ability, or extreme lack thereof, to guide this child through life. How do I teach this little person to love God, to care for his family and to be kind to all the people he meets? How do I teach him to respect his mother and to honor all women? How do I teach him to be ambitious and achieve many wonderful things without becoming arrogant or jaded? How do I teach him to live a happy life with the ability to enjoy all the wonder of creation when so many around him will try to drag him down and tell him that the only way to accomplish anything is to seek his own interests at the expense of others?

There is so much I think about now that I am about to be a father. I am scared. I am excited. I'm a mess.

Fortunately, I don't have to have the answer to these questions today. In fact, I many never have the answer. Right now, the only thing I HAVE to know is how to change a diaper.

Fortunately, I've still got a month to figure that out.